Blessed Isolation

Silence. Quiet. Alone. The concept of solitude seems unattainable in today’s go-go world, yet it’s not. Taking a cue from Soren Kierkegaard, we can relearn the benefit of solitude and how it leads to a balanced outlook on life. Though Kierkegaard endured a state of self-imposed isolation at the expense of his own well-being, his insights gleaned from a life of solitude are priceless when one considers the benefits arrived at once solitude is sought and experienced. Specifically, Kierkegaard focuses on the Christian life and how one can not truly grasp his mortality and immortality unless he understands how to relate to God. In order to bring this about, one must seek solitude of the highest magnitude. It’s not merely locking oneself in a closet for 15 minutes a day and praying. No, solitude is healthy disconnection from the world with the purpose of realigning oneself to God and to oneself.
This paper will show how Kierkegaard’s life of solitude can be of benefit to those who seek a deep, committed relationship with God and with those closest to them. To achieve this, a working definition of solitude will be presented, as well as a definition of loneliness to show their differences. Logically, the concept of solitude does not make sense when attempting to strengthen relationships; however, God does not operate in human logical sense. By taking time to reflect on and contemplate life’s greater meaning, one does have the capacity to forge deep and meaningful relationships. This paper will explore the negative and positive aspects of solitude, differentiating between loneliness and solitude. In Kierkegaard’s case, it appears loneliness played a large role, though solitude was his main focus. In both, each has a role, though with a full understanding of solitude, one can achieve a balance in life without experiencing the detrimental effects of loneliness. In a culture that prides itself on community and interdependence, the idea of solitude frightens most people. This is due mainly to a grand misunderstanding of it and how very beneficial it is to maintaining a healthy, vibrant life. Let’s first look into what constitutes solitude and how it is different from loneliness.
On the surface, loneliness and solitude resemble on another. Both appear similar in that they share the element of solitariness.[1] In his book The Seventh Solitude, Ralph Harper characterizes Kierkegaard’s solitude as “one who knows he is a sinner, and who is doubly lonely because he knows inwardness.”[2] This inwardness that Kierkegaard knew was one revealed through a life of solitude. Briefly, inwardness is the instinctive ability of an individual to distinguish the dissimilarity between his fate as an individual and his fate as a human.[3] In other words, he knows his frailty as a finite being before an infinite being; he knows where he stands before an Almighty God. For Kierkegaard, this realization compounded the grief he experienced in his life of solitude, for he confides:
To be sure, I believe in the forgiveness of sins, but I understand it as hitherto, that I must bear my punishment all my life, of remaining in the painful prison of my isolation, in a profound sense cut off from communication with other men.[4]

Here is where a distinction must be made between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely, while loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation.[5] It appears Kierkegaard experienced profound loneliness, though he later conceded that he was one who suffered for the doctrine [of Christianity].[6] Through his suffrage, Christians, or rather, those who aspire to the Christian life may begin to comprehend the utter need, the desperate need, for solitude. As with any information one learns from another, there are parts of the greater whole which may seem useless, as is the case for understanding the benefits of solitude from Kierkegaard. In a larger sense, Kierkegaard’s life demonstrates a life spent apart, set apart for the purposes of God. The volume of work he left behind is all the evidence one needs to, as he states, “make room that God may come.”[7] His life of solitude, of isolation, of loneliness, is at once alluring, disturbing, and comforting. In stark contrast is the modern life bereft of solitary moments, of moments of peace and tranquility. Though this writer does not advocate the extreme measures taken by Kierkegaard in order to come into the presence of God, a portion of the wisdom of Kierkegaardian solitude is fundamentally necessary to a deep relationship with Him. As Kierkegaard argued, one could not know what it is to be a Christian if he did not know what it is to exist, and that he could not know what it means to exist unless he knew inwardness.[8] How does one find this inwardness, this awareness of oneself?
Solitude is a time that can be used for reflection, inner searching or growth or enjoyment of some kind.[9] Now, more than ever, we need our solitude. Being alone gives us the authority to regulate and fine-tune our lives.[10] Solitude is a choice, as demonstrated by Kierkegaard, but loneliness is imposed by others, therefore not a choice. For Kierkegaard, his loneliness resulted from his insistence to remain solitary in life, even apart from his beloved Regina. The solitude he experienced upon her departure undoubtedly contributed to his prolific writing and his resolve to see the shallow existence of the Christian man of the time period vanquished and replaced with a yearning to engage man’s deepest need, that being to connect with his Creator. The idea that solitude is an outdated method of seeking solace from the demands of human life is simply wrong. In order to bring about a balanced outlook on life, one must remove oneself from the demands of this life for a time of reflection, prayer, reading, introspection, and rest. The wisdom bestowed during this time cannot be granted while one is tied down with the trappings of mortal life. In solitude, one’s awareness of life and the importance of life and sometimes the purpose of life are revealed in a new and fresh way. Jesus demonstrated this when he returned from 40 days in the wilderness undergoing temptation by the devil then delivered his message of repentance and salvation.[11] Solitude may involve a battle, spiritual warfare where one is confronted with the past, tempted by the devil to dwell there, to enter a state of loneliness. It’s with caution and prayer that one enters true solitude. Because of the separation from others, the likelihood of attack from the enemy is heightened; however, the possibility for unhindered victory over present maladies is also present and one of the desired outcomes of properly executed solitude. Kierkegaard desired solitude, it appears, to extract from it a deeper sense of himself as he related to God. His statement above about bearing punishment exposes the true nature of his solitude as loneliness. Loneliness is harsh punishment, a deficiency state, a state of discontent marked by a sense of estrangement, an awareness of excess aloneness.[12] Significant inroads were made into the Christian existence due to Kierkegaard’s writings, though at great personal cost to him. This writer has grappled with aloneness and loneliness, though solitude is now desired as a way to bring to closure those experiences in life. How does one go about achieving solitude?
In her article “Solitude vs. Loneliness,” Hara Estroff Marano contends we all need periods of solitude.[13] One of the most intriguing aspects of solitude is its impact on intimacy and how temporary removal from a relationship brings new life to it. It’s the old you-never-know-what-you-have-until-it’s-gone syndrome that affects all human relationships that must be combated with solitude. Without a refreshing time apart, a relationship is doomed. This leads to one fully grasping the nature of his relationship with God. Does not God seem far away sometimes, distant and untouchable? This is not by chance. His desire is for his children to draw near to Him, to be in close relationship with Him. His distance should be a warning signal to investigate sin and how it separates us from Him. Only sin has the nature to separate one from God. There is no certitude more unassailable than when the self knows itself as contingent or sinful, when it encounters something as absolutely different as the ever-living God, or when it is so ruined in its guilt that it cries out for deliverance.[14] Confrontation occurs during solitude, and this is one of its great benefits. Fear keeps one from desiring true solitude as one may come face-to-face with oneself. For Kierkegaard, confronting himself and accepting himself played a large role in his solitude. At no other time is one capable of experiencing the cleansing purification of confrontation than when one finds solace in solitude. The fruit, then, of solitude is regaining perspective of who one is, where one belongs, to Whom one belongs, and why one exists. Solitude gives us a chance to regain perspective. It renews us for the challenges of life.[15] In order to achieve this, one must make a concerted effort to schedule time away fro the demands of life. This can be accomplished in increments of minutes to several months, though severe withdrawal may ensue when one stays out of the normal human goings-on for more than a few weeks. Withdrawal may be beneficial, though, in realigning one’s perspective on the world and to rekindle a sense of wonder and awe to the magnificence of life. Of importance is the knowledge that bouts of loneliness can progress in a healthy manner to times of solitude. For example, the death of a loved one inevitably brings a sense of loneliness, especially the death of one’s spouse. Though a time of mourning is necessary, prolonged loneliness is dangerous to one’s mental well-being. As the mourning period progresses, one may enter into a state of solitude where one discovers oneself apart from the other. Eventually, this time leads to a healthy life apart from the loss of the other. What a grand time this is to discover who one really is, especially if the relationship was very close. To interfere with this process is catastrophic for the bereaved. In a culture in which interpersonal relationships are considered to provide the answer to every form of distress, it’s sometimes difficult to persuade well-meaning helpers that solitude can be as therapeutic as emotional support.[16] Solitude must be honored by those who are closest to those who desire it. Does this mean the one seeking solitude has to be absolutely alone? No, one can achieve solitude when others are present, for solitude is a state of mind.[17] Given the present culture of unlimited distraction, though, this writer is hard pressed to agree that solitude can be achieved this way, though each individual possesses a different temperament for experiencing solitude. Driving a vehicle without the radio blaring and while alone can bring limited solitude. In limited doses, one can achieve a sense of solitude from the whirl of life, though uninterrupted solitude is achieved only when one removes himself from the fray of life. For Kierkegaard, to belong to Christ, to stand by others when they suffer, one must first accept oneself.[18] In solitude, one finds oneself, is confronted with oneself, and finally accepts oneself. No other place can provide one with the understanding of life and life’s relationships than that of solitude. By entering into communion with God in the quiet calm of solitude, one can finally rest in His assurance.
[1] Hara Estroff Marano, www.psychologytoday.com
[2] Harper, Ralph The Seventh Solitude. 1965. Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins Press. 26
[3] Harper, Ralph. 21
[4] Harper, Ralph. 10 and 11
[5] Hara Estroff Marano
[6] Harper, Ralph. 9
[7] Harper, Ralph. 25
[8] Harper, Ralph. 22
[9] Hara Estroff Marano
[10] Buchholz, Ester. The Call of Solitude. 1997. Reprinted by permission of Simon and Schuster in Psychology Today at www.psychologytoday.com
[11] Luke 4:1-14.
[12] Hara Estroff Marano
[13] www.psychologytoday.com
[14] Harper, Ralph. 24
[15] Hara Estroff Marano
[16] Storr, Anthony. Solitude: A Return to Self. 1988. New York: The Free Press. 29
[17] Buchholz, Ester.
[18] Harper, Ralph. 33